Real life dreaming..

Is this real life?

9 months later and I am still asking myself, "is this real life?".  Sometimes, I feel as if I am going to wake up from the marvelous dream and all of it will go away like it never happened.  I still can't believe that I did it.  That I am still doing it.  And that I want to continue doing it....

When I was fresh out of high school, I had these dreams of traveling the world, seeing everything and doing everything.  I was young and the entire world was at my fingertips.  I dreamt big...no, I dreamt HUGE.  There was so much I wanted to do.  While in college, I wanted to be one of those study abroaders.  Learning about different cultures, adopting a new language and creating adventures that no one could replace or take away.  Then, real life took over.  At a tender age, I began my career that took over my life.  With all the hours, all the days, and all the responsibility.  Every ounce of energy I had was spilled into it, willingly.  As I watched all my friends take spontaneous trips to everywhere, I ate, slept and drank work.  In a desperate need for change, I quit my job and I moved to LA for a very short stint.  I then began a relationship with a wonderful man and fell in love.  Like a roller coaster, we had our ups and downs.  When times were high, they were HIGH but when they were low, they were low.  It seemed as if there was never a good time to move to another country and watch my dream become reality.  But like all roller coasters, my love and I had an abrupt end.

With a new promotion, I once again reverted all of my energy into my job.  Focused on planning events for others, marketing plans, fiscal goals...blah blah blah.  I loved my job and my co workers became my adopted family.  My life made a complete 180*; new circle of friends, new place and a new outlook.  But something was still missing.  As funny as it happened (over girls dinner and plenty bottles of wine), God sent me an opportunity in the form of teaching English in Florence, Italy.  Ok, it's not what I went to school for....certainly not something that I had thought about before...BUT this was my chance.  Sure, I was 7 years older than what I had originally thought but I was not going to let this opportunity pass me by.

So, here I am now, living, breathing, seeing my "once was" dream come to life.  A month ago, my right hand left and went back home to the states.  Secretly, two things were happening....1) how was I going to do this without her?  I think I was scared...worried...was I going to even survive this alone? 2)  I needed her to go.  I needed to know that I could do this on my own.  I needed to know that we weren't using each other as a crutch to get through a country and culture that we did not belong to.  It is finally sink or swim and I choose to SWIM.  I am not going to lie, this shit has not always been easy.  But I never thought it would be.  Life is a beautiful struggle....

As I settle into my Italian life, sometimes I forget to look up.  I am busy moving around with daily routines and errands.  But when I do remember, it takes my breath away every SINGLE time.  The scenery is something you CAN NOT express into words.  In pictures, you know its beautiful but if you have never experienced walking the streets of Italy, cobblestones and all, you are truly missing out.  The city SPEAKS to you...even without any background knowledge, you can still FEEL the history.  But it's not only the scenery that I have grown so incredibly fond of but the relationships that I have made.  Nights on the patio smoking hookah with friends, switch hittin' from English to Italian, I sit back...smile and exhale.  Aperitivo with what feels like the United Nations round table, I take a sip of my Spritz and exhale.  Sunday vespa rides to Siena and back, I take pictures of the lovely Tuscan countryside and exhale.  Finding a Christian fellowship, signing up as a volunteer to feed the homeless, feeling normalcy coming back into my life...I take a deep breath and exhale. Roman wine tours, sleepy train rides, glasses of wine in Piazza Signoria and Sunday futbol matches in bed....I look at him and exhale.

Now don't get me wrong....there is absolutely no doubt about it, I miss home like a mother sucker, but I would NOT trade this experience for anything.  I know this move is not forever...at least I don't think it is...so while I am here, I am going to soak up every once of every adventure that is thrown at me.  So, bring it on Italy...give me your best shot cos I have been waiting 7 long years to do this and I am more ready than ever....