"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."
~Albert Schweitzer
I have a story to tell, and it all started about a week and a half ago. If you read my last blog, "those are the friends I fall in love with", it was inspired by the same person that this blog includes.
This person, I think I can now call him a friend, and I hang out in similar circles. As a group, we have been out more than a handful of times and a few dinner parties. To sum it up, social situations. Sure, we talk...drink...eat...laugh and all. It wasn't until a week and a half ago, while I was helping him with a project, that he caught me by surprise. He asked me about my personal life. This isn't a topic that I am used to being asked about. And I am not saying here in Italy, I mean in general. He told me his interpretation of me and I was...am...surprised at how close he was at pegging me. In short, he said that he thinks that I am guarded and it is incredibly hard to get to know me. That I am all smiles and hugs but keep everyone at arms length. It is almost impossible to have a long conversation with me because I am always on the move. Well, it's hard to have a "get to know you" conversation in a bar over 2 bottles of wine, 3 cocktails, 2 beers and a few shots. But it did get me thinking...is my wall THAT obvious?
From what I have gathered, Italians are much more intuitive than Americans. The need for human interaction here is incredible. Here, people are not constantly on their phones browsing every single social network created, checking emails like its a sin not to and texting anyone who will reply for no reason at all. Don't get me wrong, I am one of those Americans who is guilty of relying on the internet as if it is the air that I breath. And maybe that is it. Maybe since we (as Americans) would rather chat via net, text or post on each others walls...we forget how it is to be in tune with someone. I grew up in the 90's and I remember what it was like to be without a cell phone or email. To play outside, to call someone instead of text, and to want live company. Have we lost that?
Today I took a ride through the countryside on the back of my friends vespa to Siena. With the 35* sun and humidity beating down on us, the cool breeze from the ride was just what I needed. In the hour that it took to get there, we talked about real things. Our families, our lives, our interests. I don't ask many questions, in general, and he understood it as me being uninterested in getting to know people. Which is, actually, the opposite. I explained that I don't like to pressure people. If you want to share something with me, I feel like you would. And if I am constantly asking you 101 questions, I feel like I am prying. More times than not, I get the short end of the stick because of this. While I may seem to be outspoken, no nonsense kinda girl, I am actually really passive aggressive. I'll work on that.
As we walked around Siena, more personal topics came up. What better way than to talk about your past that has lead you to the present and your plans for the future, than over some gelato. It was refreshing to be challenged for once. The whys, the need for explanation and the follow up questions had my gears turning. It's been awhile since someone has genuinely tried picking my brain and allowed me to pick theirs. You really learn a lot about yourself when trying to explain it to other people. When you actually have to say some things out loud...sometimes, it becomes much more clear. Admitting vulnerability lifts clouds and opens eyes. Do I know EXACTLY what I want? What my next move will be? The meaning of life? No. Not yet, at least.
Needless to say, the ride back home was serene. The rolling hills of the Tuscan countryside, the wind in my hair, the sun kissing my skin with thoughts of reflection and an appreciation for a friendship unfolding right before my eyes.
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