As you wish

Why is it that we are told to do what "is right" and not what we want? If you are lucky enough to want what is right...you are the minority, my friend. You see, I'm pushing 30 and now we are "grown ups". Whatever that means. People want you to start taking life seriously: finish university, get a career, buy a house, get married and have babies....settle down. Besides finishing school, I have no (immediate) yearning for the rest.

I have a group of amazing friends that know me better than people I have known my entire life. Of course, when shit hits the fan, I turn to them for a shoulder...an ear...a bottle of wine. They give me advice that I know I should listen to. I know that they are right. I know that they have MY best interest in mind, that they are on the outside looking in and sometimes, it's the clearest view. But you know what? I also know that I am as stubborn as a bull and that I am going to do whatever it is that I want. I walk to the beat of my own drum...and normally, it's off beat.

Six months ago I had a successful job that I was good at. No, sorry, this is my blog so I can say it...I was GREAT at it. I had my own place, bought anything I wanted, took myself on fancy vacations and was the epitome of an independent woman.  I know that it sounds like I am full of myself but really, I'm proud of myself. Since I could remember, my mother raised me to be self sufficient and boy did she do a damn good job. Then, I made a life changing decision. Quit everything...my job, give up my place, and basically abandon the only life I have ever known, to move abroad. One friend asked me, "why would you give up a good job?" I told him that I was not in it to feed my wallet..I was in it to feed my soul. In layman's terms, cos I wanted to...

So I am told being with him is the "right" thing to do.  He would take care of me, cherish me and love me 'till the ends of the world.  I would be a kept woman and in societies definition, I would be....happy.  Sure, it makes sense enough.  But what if what I want is the him.  The crazy mixed up fucken love that drives you absolutely insane.  God knows we drive each other up the wall...constantly. But I kinda like that in a masochistic kind of way.  Then, what if I change my mind.  I can do that....right?  Because who says you HAVE to get married?  Lots of my friends were and are lucky enough to have found that one person in this WHOLE WIDE WORLD that makes them complete.  But, I have come to terms with it...I.AM.NOT.THAT.GIRL. (if you don't know it, listen to "Not that Girl" from the Wicked soundtrack)

I told my mother the other day that my dream is NOT to be a home owner.  I am perfectly happy with owning a condo or renting an apartment.  She couldn't wrap her head around this.  For me, owning a home would anchor me down to one place that I MUST live in for years to come.  Life throws so many curve balls at you, sometimes you have to be ready to move forward and not look back.  For those that know me, you know that I am a nomad.  I move...what....twice a year...on average?  Being a free spirit is exhilarating in that way.  Home is where the heart is and frankly, I have left a little pieces of my heart everywhere.

People tell me that I "do what I want"...and the fact of the matter is...I do.  But I don't get it...why wouldn't you do what you want?  Why do we have to fall in line like drones and abide by the ideal life that is force fed down our throats?  Life is too short to follow all the rules.  But don't take my word for it...I have paid the price a thousand times.  But the beauty in it all...I don't regret a thing.

"If we always learned from our mistakes

I would be a genius by now"

Mistakes suck, but they make for amazing stories.  Ask my friends.