Friday night in Florence

My first week in Italy was fillled with lesson planning and homework.  So, needless to say, I was tied to my desk at home.  Finally, Friday came around and my classmates and I agreed that we should go out...Since my ride or die was dying in bed from being sick...my other roommate and I decided to start a little early.  We grabbed some beers from the Euro store (yes, I can get a 40oz for ONE Euro) and went for a walk...to the Uffizi, Ponte Vecchio and L'Accademia

After two 40's and some whiskey...Antonio and I are ready to pre game at our classmates apartment.  While waiting for everyone to arrive, we drank, drank and drank some more.  Finally, we head out into the night and try to find a place to dedicate out night to (since it is roughly 11:30pm).  We stumble upon a pub that looks inviting and crackin' enough. 

While hanging outside, my eyes lock with 6'2 Italian man with light eyes (not pictured).  BAM.  We both give the side eye to a girl tripping out of the bar wearing next to nothing in 10*C weather.  That's his in....He, joking, tells me not to judge, in next to perfect English.  Ok, funny man...let's see what you got.  His friend works at a restaurant and is throwing a Super Bowl party that they invite me to...and apologizing about the Niner's.  Thanks guys.  I make my way back into the bar to meet back with my classmates...dancing the night away to American music.  Given, it is songs by Cypress Hill, Nsync and the Backstreet boys but I am happily singing along. 

Before the night ends, Mr. 6'2 comes up to me asking if he can have my phone number.  I say, no...because I don't have a number.  He asks if I would like to meet him back at the bar at 12:30pm the next day... and I say YES. 

Stumbling home, I tell my roommate that I had just landed myself my

very first date in Florence, Italy...

to be continued..

da qualche parte là fuori..(somewhere out there)

It wasn’t until Monday night where things became real for me.  and it all started with a letter from my Mahoganizzle sister…

It was a letter about me…her version of me.  Have you ever known, really, in words how your closest friends feel about you?  It was so incredibility touching to know how much a person believes in you…loves you. So there I was, reading her letter in bed on my second to last night…crying.  THANKS.A.LOT.

The next day was filled with errands and packing.  I had my best and my main staying up with me to divide my life into 160 lbs.  It took a while and many attempts, but we got it.  I don’t get to talk to my best often…shoot we don’t even see each other on a regular basis…but he is always there.  It’s times like these that count the most and he is ALWAYS there to help me thru.  I talk to my main everyday…I see her every other day…and it’s the same thing every day.  I couldn’t tell you how many times she has saved me in a clutch play.  Or saved my life…in so many ways.  For this, I am forever thankful.

At 3:30am, my family and I get into the van and make our way to SFO.  I silently cry to myself in the back seat.  Mostly because I am thinking of all the things/people I will miss.  I’ve never been so far away from my family…from my younger brother.  It breaks my heart to know I won’t be able to see them at a drop of a dime.  I regret not spending more time with them…

Then finally at the airport, we have a goodbye committee to see us off and to make us cry.  bitches.  And then they pull the stunts of all stunts.  Mac and I receive an email that we are to read together.  It’s a slide show with messages from some of our closest people and our theme song(s) playing the background.  I am so touched that I can not help but cry hysterically at our gate.  I couldn’t ask for a better way to be seen off…really.  Now, anytime I am feeling down or a little homesick, I have this video to remind me of how much my family and friends support, believe in and love me.

I write my final chapter of my American life in 2012 on my plane ride from New Jersey to Rome. 

“And even though I know how very far apart we are…it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star….”  (sing that shit CrystalMotherFuckenClear)

Excessive to a minimalist

I am..

I am a woman

I am a Filipina woman

I am a Filipina-American woman

therefore, I am excessive

By nature, women tend to be on the excessive side.  For example, it is NECESSARY for us to own at least 4 pairs of black shoes, have at least 5 purses and own at least 3 LBD's.  As Americans, we are force fed to be excessive.  For example, super size this, jumbo that and why do we have 10 different flavors of M&M's?  Now...has anyone heard of the famous Filipina..Imelda Marcos? 'Nuff said.  I was doomed from the beginning...

Now, I didn't always categorize myself as "excessive".  I actually thought that for a girl, I did pretty well (beside the shoes...I am known for my addiction to high heels/boots).  and I move just about every year so I try to keep my load light.  One of my mains and I actually have it down to a science and can do it in two trips with the party pilot.  So when it settled in that I would only be able to take two 50 lbs luggages and a carry on for my MOVE...I finally knew the truth.

Now how in the world am I 'pose to fit 100 pairs of shoes into 2.5 luggages?  Apparently, you can't.  So I had to down size.  I gave away a lot...and put even more in storage...and still managed to pack 12 pairs.  Shit, and that is JUST shoes. I don't even think that I am high maintenance (s/o to my boy who said, "You are not as high maintenance as you look") but I do require A LOT and a lot requires space.  Now I have never been there before, but I am told that there isn't a ton of space in Italy. Not to mention that I am the only one dragging my luggage from Rome, on to a 4 hour train ride to Italy and then out of the airport to the bed and breakfast.  And since I am finishing my packing tomorrow....I better start practicing how to be a minimalist....

...starting now...

The one thing I needed

"Its a catastrophe, but its the one I need"

A good friend of mine recently had me read a short story about a couple who held on to a slowly diminishing relationship.  It wasn't until shit hit the fan when both parties knew that it was really over and they both had to let go. The story hit a little close to home and brought on a wave of emotions for me.

You see, the ex and I were this couple.  Annoyingly happy in love, totally consumed with each other which in time became comfortable and complacent.  When the first break up happened, it seemed like a long time coming.  The fights, the all of a sudden low patience with one another, the nagging and absolutely no quality time.  We all of a sudden had different views on everything.  So shit hit the fan in the worst way.  Like, THE WORST.  So we took a 6 month break before realizing that we were "meant to be".  There wasn't a day I didn't think of him.  There wasn't a night I didn't yearn for him...and he felt the same way.  So we gave our love another try.  A short year passed and we found ourselves at our 5 year anniversary.  And just like history does, it repeated itself.  An even nastier ending than the first.  I thought that it was the catastrophe that I finally needed to just let go and let God.  But it was also paired with a unbelievable heartbreak that I never imagined possible.  After a deafening silence, we were back in touch but not back in the grove.  Optimistically, I would like to be friends.  He knows me better than anyone and I know him better than he knows himself.  Who knows, maybe after I get back...we'll both be changed and can do this for real.

So the holidays came around and this year was harder than I thought it was going to be.  There was no Christmas shopping together..no tree lighting ceremonies..no ice skating rink..no duraflame logs and a great bottle of Pinot.  It was just us pretending that things hadn't changed when they obviously have.  Christmas day, feeling more like shit, I called him cos he was once the only person that could make me smile.  The funny thing about the person who can make your day is that...well, they can turn that shit upside down.  It was such a simple question from him...that probably meant nothing..but for me, it killed me. So that was it.  Two big blow outs and a selfish comment later and I go back into silence.

I look back on the two catastrophes and wonder why I couldn't be strong enough to walk away then, either time.  I guess I had hope that one day my knight and shining armor would get the fuck off his high horse and sweep me off my feet.   But this is real life honey, there are no fairy tale endings...so while our love is still greater than anything anyone will ever understand...he finally gave me the "catastrophe" I needed to be able to board my plane in 6 days and begin my new adventure.